Relaxing Tunes?

Well, I have had 10 days off work to de-stress (doctors orders) and as always happens when not at work, I have not had time to do half the things I planned to. I was going to write more blogs, finish those books I have started, watch a few DVDs. Of course I did none of that. But where does the time go, seriously? I know I met a few lovely friends for lunches and drinks and visited my family, but 10 days just gone, like that!

I did try to make a playlist from my iTunes library of relaxing tunes. I advise anyone who has this idea, be careful. Trawling through thousands of tracks can throw out a few surprises and have a bit of an unexpected emotional response. I know I am not "old" in that I am not a pensioner (I am 29), but hearing music from 15-20 years ago and remembering it being released into the charts, made me feel really old. It's not all bad, some tracks have great memories...

Nine Inch Nails – Closer

For example, this song is filthy and I love it. This is the song that people "pulled to" in the rock clubs I frequented when I was 17/18, if you were going to make a move it was now or never once this song was on. Ah, the memories.

Portishead – Roads - Live

This song is a mixture of feelings for me, it is a beautiful song and rather sad, but also it is on the soundtrack to Tank Girl, which I know loads of people hate because it is such a stupid movie, but I love it. It has Ice T as a mutant kangaroo, reincarnated from a policeman, what is not to love! Seriously do rent it, it is ridiculous I know, but it is funny and has some great lines in it (I hear it is a very good representation of the original comic too). That film makes me feel immature and therefore not so old for a couple of hours. The album, Portishead - Roseland NYC [Live] has the opposite effect, it was one of the albums I listened to lots as a student (the first time when I was 18), I still love it, but that was nearly 12 years ago.

When I was sifting through all of the tunes I came across a few songs which I related to heartache, so I asked on twitter what songs other people associated with break ups. They were very varied (I didn't write them down, nor can I remember them), but it seems that a break up song is not necessarily one which is written about the end of a relationship or loneliness. They are songs which remind people of the moment, this means they can be happy songs, or the classic "our song", how to ruin a perfectly good romantic song, make it "our song" and then split up. I did manage to find the cheesiest heartbreak song ever (I do love it but ssshhh don't tell anyone).

The Quireboys – I Don't Love You Anymore

They weren't all sad songs on my little musical adventure (although when trying to find relaxing music a lot of them were a bit depressing). I did find this...

Green Day – When I Come Around

And, bang! I'm a teenager again, when the only TV I watch is MTV, who endlessly play this and this...

The Offspring – Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)

They were fun times of teenage angst and bad dress sense, but weren't things simple when you were younger? No? Actually you are right, probably not, there were hormones and stuff around then. At least as you get older the problems are not chemical (well for most of us) but rather everyone else in the world but you.

Anyway, as you can see I was very productive on my time off, taking a well earned trip down memory lane. I do recommend you do the same, but beware, some songs will just creep up on you and make you feel old/sad/tearful/immature... you have been warned.

(The links are all from spotify, if you don't have it, get it or search youtube for the tracks if you want to hear them).

Breaking my own rules

I have debated for the last couple of days whether to blog or not about this particular subject, and if you are reading this then I obviously did press the 'publish post' button. If you have read previous blog posts you will know that I have certain opinions and self imposed rules (it is for fun, nothing too personal/detailed, keep it light) about social networking sites such as twitter and facebook (and to an extent blogger). These are entirely my own thoughts and I am well aware that many people will disagree, but it works for me. Well, so I thought...

I have had some issues lately at work (don't worry I will not go into detail here either) which have accumulated over the last few weeks, and sadly have changed my personality (hopefully temporarily) a little. I have been gradually more stressed, snapping at people, being more rude, not thinking before I speak, not sleeping, drinking a bit too much wine... you get the idea. (I don't intend to use this blog post as a way of just moaning that things are tough right now, it is going somewhere, trust me).

My rule has always been that I can have a little grumble in a tweet or a status update but nothing major, social networking sites are for fun. To me, (yes you can disagree) posting more details of such things is asking for support and help from people who are not necessarily your 'friends' is inappropriate, I find I would rather turn to real friends (you know what I mean, people you see socially or have known a long time) in such times of crisis, they understand me and support me well. This was what I always believed. Until yesterday.

Yesterday was a very emotional day (again I won't go on about it too much), there were tears, shouting, swearing, these are not good things to be doing when you are at work (none of this to or in front of patients I hasten to admit). But sat alone in my office unable to actually ring a friend due to being such a mess, I broke my rules. I posted the following on twitter,

"Just told my boss I'm signing myself off with stress. He thinks I am bluffing. Am I?"

Followed by

"I am an idiot."

See I instantly felt bad for starting the first tweet, but I didn't delete it, I waited to see what would happen. Who wants to read moaning tweets? However, a couple of lovely tweeters restored my faith in humanity and just by acknowledging the tweet and offering support, succeeded to make me feel a little better. I'm not saying everyone should go on and on about problems on such sites, but it was nice that someone would listen at that moment and allow me the opportunity to rant a little via DMs. Of course when I finally got home I text some friends who then rang and listened at length for a couple of hours, as friends do (I could not have really done that at work). Things are far from sorted so I will remain relatively quiet on twitter for fear of moaning too much and annoying my followers, but I continue to be happily distracted reading everyone's tweets and joining in superficial conversation.

I do now doubt my own rules though. How much should social networking sites be used for such kinds of venting and support? I didn't think a relative stranger saying that they hoped things would get better would do anything, but it did. I do still maintain that social networking sites should be happy fun places in the majority of the time, but is there anything wrong with a bit of support from strangers? Is it just attention seeking? Is it wrong?

I wouldn't be able to post in great details about work stuff anyway, due to the nature of my job. And I don't aim to begin reporting my problems via twitter or facebook, but I honestly would like people's opinions on whether it should be used for a quick shout for help (not in any self harm/suicide type way I mean for support/kind words)?

Please do tweet, comment or email (if you already have my email address). Thanks.

The Mystery Fax Machine Orchestra

I don't usually blog about shows I have seen, I save that for Facebook. This is mostly due to the fact that my memory for names of people and songs etc is terrible. However last night's show deserves to be blogged. So here we go with my sketchy account of last night.

The show was The Mystery Fax Machine Orchestra at The Luminaire in London, additional guests were Foster and Gilvan, and Mr Solo. Having successfully escaped work early and negotiated trains and tubes (thanks to Linzy) we were early to the venue and a little eager to get in, inevitably the doors opened a little late.

I had seen The Mystery Fax Machine Orchestra at Latitude festival (again thanks to Linzy) and was instantly drawn to the wonderful and quirky songs. You can't help but be impressed by Martin White's musical arrangements, singing, accordion and ukulele playing at the front of the orchestra. Soon after I bought the EP, which is available here the design of which is genius (trust me) and then you get four wonderful songs, for a fiver it is a bargain.

The other two acts on the bill I had not seen before. We finally made out way into the venue having met up with other fellow tweeters in the bar next door. The Luminaire is not a huge venue but has excellent atmosphere and is appropriately decorated in theatre extravagance. As we marvelled at the tiny red piano and lots of music stands crammed on the stage, Martin White (@martylog) came to say hello and chat to "twitter corner" as we soon named our group. At this point I should inform you (although I can't go) that Karaoke Circus, also one of Martin's projects sounds like it will be fantastic so do book early, see here for more information.

First to perform were Foster and Gilvan, with clown painted faces a ragged suits they set up an array of instruments in the middle of the standing area. The venue had not yet filled up and it certainly made for a more intimate performance. We were treated to and encouraged to sing along to various songs and sea shanties including an excellent cover of version of Scott Walker's version of Jacques Brel's Dans Le Port D'Amsterdam. The audience including us were thrilled throughout as Foster approached many people with his charming stare of encouragement. I wish my memory could serve them better to describe more of their set, but again my memory is broken. (See photograph above).

Next up was David Devant (formerly of David Devant and his spirit wife) as Mr Solo. Arriving on stage in a sparkly skin tight cat suit with a matching cape and a huge quiff, we anticipated something special, and that is what we got. Having not seen him before I can only describe him as eccentric with some expressive "moves", including a rock style leap in the air (knocking music stands over as he did it) and several attempts at standing on a speaker reaching for a rail above the stage for balance. This did result in one fall onto the stage, which he laughed off. The stage was illuminated with a video backdrop to accompany Mr Solo's songs. Again my memory fails me with song names, but we were again encouraged to take part and I do recall the passion and emotion with which Mr Solo sang throughout. To me he seemed Nick Cave/David Bowie like at times, but certainly with his own flamboyant style which I wouldn't hesitate to see again. A few of the members of The Mystery Fax Machine Orchestra joined Mr Solo on stage, including Martin White to play the tiny red piano to one song. The set ended with a fantastic performance of Pimlico accompanied by the full Mystery Fax Machine Orchestra.

The final part of the evening was Martin White and The Mystery Fax Machine orchestra, I believe it was a 25 piece orchestra on this occasion, with the size of the stage, this was an achievement in itself. The set started with part one of a new song about a train journey called The Trans-Carpathian Express, but as always Martin sang and performed with such gusto that he was breathless by the end. I must say I was enchanted by every second of the performance, the sound of the orchestra, the fantastic musical arrangement, the quirky and often funny lyrics and the passion and exuberance of Martin's performance. Of the songs I was already familiar with, all of my favourites were played. Thank You For Not Discussing The Outside world (as heard on the EP) with an introduction from Martin explaining that it is a reference to the simpsons (it says it outside the retirement home, I did not notice this before). The History of Europe, which as all fans know if a condensed history of Europe in 3 minutes, both of these songs can be heard here. Another of my favourite songs which I had luckily seen before with and without the orchestra (Martin performed it solo with his accordion at Mark Watson's The Hotel in the cabaret room at the Edinburgh fringe last year) was Squeeze Me. Martin's facial expressions during this song are delightfully evil, do watch the Youtube of a previous performance of it here (the sound quality does improve as the video goes on). The audience were then encouraged to be the choir to Maybe, with the prompt of the line "I don't know why I did that" for us to sing "maybe something's wrong with me" (this remains in your head for days, trust me I am humming it now).

A truly mesmerising evening and definitely worth the trip down to London for. I do hope that The Mystery Fax Machine Orchestra release more recordings soon and perform at the Edinburgh Fringe the year (in the first two weeks when I am there). I know this blog is not full of immense detail due to my poor memory, please forgive that, but I do encourage everyone who hasn't seen them before to try to as soon as possible and until then follow the links in the blog and enjoy.

#PreciousLittle Podophiles

I know by blogs are usually my thoughts on social networking and the internet, but if you follow me on twitter you will notice I write the hashtag #PreciousLittle quite a lot, so I thought I would explain for those of you not yet involved (and to those of you who are, I'm just going to say what I like about it all).

As many of you know I got really into comedy last year, and first saw Michael Legge at Latitude festival, but I was too shy to say hello, even though he did shout in my face at random (as part of a sketch). I then agreed on twitter to say hello when I saw him in Edinburgh and meet his footlump (long story, see his blog). So Sarah (@misswiz) and I did just that. There were beers flowing and a few more hellos and shows during the fringe festival.

So you can imagine how pleased I was to hear that Michael (@michaellegge) and James Hingley (@BillPoddy) were going to do a podcast together. They didn't really have a name for it at first but eventually aptly settled on what they talk about - Precious Little. I don't really know how to describe it, they do so quite well on the Itunes description, "Just a load of talking really". Michael likes to say "Cunt" quite a lot and talk about what he has been up to (including things which have infuriated him and he has blogged about) this is usually very funny. James is the more serious one of the pair, but is in his element when Michael makes him annoyed or angry and he has certainly come out of his shell thanks to #InterviewJames (I will explain that more later). As a duo they wonderfully bounce off each other and amazingly entertain, even though there is no script or structure to it.

Then came the interaction... I had sent Michael a message to say I enjoyed the first podcast, I received a reply saying sorry for mentioning me quite a lot in the second one. I was worried. In podcast 2 Michael decided he wanted people to join in and no matter where they were listening, if he called someone a cunt, we had to then shout out "...... is a cunt!". The one person he thought would do this ridiculous request was... yes, you guessed it, me. They then shouted "Come on Nicola Woolhouse shout it!" every time Michael called someone a cunt in that podcast (and a little in future ones). So from then on I decided to tweet when I listened to Precious Little so that Michael could see that I was indeed participating, yes, he was right about me, I am daft enough to do it in the name of comedy. This initially (understandably) irritated some of my followers, but gradually a few of us decided to listen to it at the same time and tweet along. Michael and James were pleased about this and named us the Podophiles.

Although James is lovely (and has a great voice) he was rather quiet in comparison to Michael, as most people would be. So Michael, who is crap at interviewing used interviews in magazines to #InterviewJames, this part of the podcast got even better when the listeners and podophiles started asking the questions. Many podophiles have also send jingles, stories and poems in (including @Misswiz @AndyMcH @mister_wavey @IanReentrant @lornalily and many many more). The group of podophiles has grown rather large and we now have regular #ListeningParties (where we all listen and tweet at the same time). The tweets don't make much sense unless you are listening to the podcast but do have a look, search #PreciousLittle.

Since then there have been other regular slots on the podcast such as Cunt of the Weep and Tommy's Tedious Tweets (you will have to listen to find out what they are). It is my favourite podcasts, not only are Michael and James both naturally very funny, but there is a sense of community between the podophiles. I know it sounds weird, but we all enjoy it and feel involved. Recently I had the (probably not good) idea of playing a drinking game whilst listening to the podcast, every time Michael said cunt I would drink a shot, and if they discussed (not just mentioned) Doctor Who, I would drink a glass full of booze. Sarah (@h2osarah) agreed to play with me the first time I did this. We got very drunk in just over an hour. Luckily I have only managed to do this one other time yesterday (Saturday), as the podcast usually comes out on a Sunday, and I can't be drinking on a Sunday when I start work at 8am Monday. There were quite a few of us playing last night, which was great fun. The listening parties are international with podophiles in Australia, America and the UK. I was actually quite miffed when I missed a listening party because I was out and had to listen alone, it is not the same anymore.

Now I look forward to the possibility of a live podcast at the Edinburgh Fringe this summer. Using twitter many of us podophiles already chatted to each other, but there are new people who have begun to say hello and join in, we often tweet each other between podcasts and some of us have agreed to meet in Edinburgh. Yet again social networking, podcasts and the internet has allowed us to truly social network.

Do join in and subscribe to Precious Little podcast on Itunes.

What happened to Christmas?

In chatting with fellow tweeters and reading Misswiz Christmas blog I have realised that this is the most un-festive Christmas I have had. Not that I haven't had my Turkey with all the trimmings, lovely presents and seen my family, but something was missing. I am an Athiest, so no I don't think it was the religious element that was missing, as I have held these beliefs for many years yet still got into the festive spirit. So what is it that makes Christmas feel... for want of a better word Christmassy?

I do wonder if it was my decision to avoid the torture and expense of the "work Xmas do"? I rarely enjoy it, and don't really get on with many of the other staff outside work (with one or two exceptions, but they also often avoid such nights out). I can be a little more outspoken after a drink or two, and have made the gut wrenching mistake of being a little bit too honest with some of my work colleagues in the past ("No, I won't kiss you because you are a complete twat!" is one of my favourites). And no matter what does actually happen there is always the rumour mill working over time and awful drunken photographs on Facebook following the event. This year I decided I couldn't be arsed. So booked to see Pappy's the week before Christmas, and the The Quireboys supported by Wolfsbane on the Saturday before. Great nights out, but they did lack (and rightly so) any festive spirit.

I also hate to admit it, but as much as we all despise the Christmas decorations going up in shops really early; when I used to work in a shop it drove me insane (with the endless Christmas music) but at the same time it did wear me down and get me into the Christmas spirit (eventually). Now working in a mental health unit it is not the same. The wards do put up a few decorations, but this seems inappropriate in my department, people are not well and certainly not happy (or they would not be there). Don't get me wrong the ward staff try to make things as nice as possible for inpatients on Christmas day, but it is far from a happy or festive place. I have realised today that there seems to be another not so nice trend; for the last three years I have returned from a couple of days of for Christmas to hear bad news (a patient I know being readmitted or relapsing/an incident/a suicide). It is part and parcel of the job, unfortunately, maybe my subconscious now remembers and dreads the post Christmas news?

I think the one last part of the puzzle for my lack of Christmas spirit is that I don't have any children. To me it is a time for children to celebrate and learn new traditions (with or without religion involved), they have the wonder and excitement which I have now lost. Luckily I did have a few of these moments of joy spending time with my nieces and nephews. However, one of our family traditions has managed to suck the joy from this too. We all meet at my Mum's house on Boxing day for "meat and mash", it is a bit of an all day buffet and has always been fun. Last year and this year things changed. I'm not sure if it was due to me being ill both years (yes, really ill not just hungover - last year with tonsilitus, this year a rotten cold) or just the general chaos and noise. The children are no longer cute little babies that we can pass around for a cuddle, but all toddlers or older, all demanding attention fuelled by the sugar and gifts. Even Mum hid in the kitchen with me as we plotted ways of escaping her house without anyone noticing. It didn't work, our plans were foiled.

I don't want to be un-festive next year. I have decorated my tree, but maybe I need to have a proper think about what makes me not only in the Christmas spirit but also happy to be so. I need to plan my Christmas as a celebration of what is important to me (and yes include family - just not all at once). I can't simply be too old to enjoy Christmas any more (I'm only 29!).

The Stigma of Social Networking

I haven't done one for a while, so it's time I had a little ramble. Does anyone else feel there is any stigma attached to using social networking sites (Facebook/twitter/forums)?

I ask because I have met up with some friends I haven't seen for a while, as usually happens at this time of year. They have asked what I have been up to, and I tell them about my new found love of comedy, and my adventures this year (Latitude/Edinburgh/various trips around the country). They ask how I got into it and I explain, basically through chatting to lots of lovely people on social networking sites. This is where there is a mixed reaction.

Some people are shocked but strangely impressed. As if it is a brave thing to talk to strangers online and then arrange to meet them in public places like gigs and see what happens. I don't find it brave, except getting over my own nervousness perhaps. Especially when saying hello to comedians after their set. Online however it is easy, as it feels some what detached and they can always ignore me if it doesn't work out, or if I become annoying block me. Having the agreement to say hello from a chat on twitter does make it easier in reality, permission is granted, and it then becomes less intrusive (with both comedians and fellow comedy fans).

Others have had a different reaction. I sometimes get the "Oh, you are an internet geek now" look. Or they quickly loose interest and drift away. I do wonder if this is through ignorance, not using such sites or having an understanding of how they work. I must admit, this reaction tends to be from people who don't know me as well. The ones who don't give me the time to explain how I got involved and the lovely people I have met as a consequence of it.

Is there a stigma around using social networking sites? I don't really mind the assumption that I am a nerd as I have always been rather academic, but to think that using such sites means I have no life. I have found the opposite has happened, I have become more sociable through using twitter (I always went out with my 3D friends but as I get older they are often busy with children/husbands/work).

Plus there are other benefits of such sites, they are a wealth of information (depending who you follow and how you use them). Tonight the power of social networking sites was realised even more when Killing in The Name of became the Christmas number one, thanks to a facebook and twitter campaign. More importantly other important issues are raised, discussed and publicised sing such forums, such as the campaign for Libel reform and raising awareness of numerous charities.

In my opinion social networking sites are a very valid and new way of communicating. I consider that perhaps the stigma arises due to the fact that this may be true, the fear of the unknown. The celebrities who publicise their use of twitter do raise its profile, but those with technophobia (not fear of electronic dance music) remain unwilling to hear about the benefits of such technology. Twitter (and facebook) is not my life, but a hobby I enjoy and use in order to do more; meet more people, read more and go to more places. Yet I often feel forced to defend my use of the internet to actually have fun, people are still ignorant enough to believe that an interest in social networking sites means you are unable to socialise in the real world. This is simply not true.

Social networking is not a substitute.

I think this ramble is a bit of a reiteration of my first couple of posts on this blogspot, but the topic has been refreshed in my mind this week. I know I said that twitter is just fun, and that is all it should be and facebook I tend to keep more for my 3D friends but I have realised (again) that there is a little more to it.

A few weeks ago a 3D friend removed me from Facebook, this led to a confrontation (via text) and the eventual realisation that for some unknown (and some inaccurate) reason she wishes to disassociate herself from me. This was upsetting in itself, and sounds like the stuff of school playgrounds. Is this what the world has come to? Do friends not argue and fall out in person any more, where issues can be debated like grown ups? My concern is that by using social networking like facebook and twitter with 3D friends (defined as people I see more often face to face and have known for some time in case you forgot), we are removed from the context. I don't know about anyone else but I find it easier to have an opinion which is considered and planned out by using such mediums. I'm not sure this is always beneficial where an emotional dispute needs to occur. Saying things on the spur of the moment means that things actually get said and then dealt with. I am reminded of this tonight having spoke to two other friends who have now been banished using the facebook dumping method, they were understandably upset, and with no explanation were too shocked at the immaturity of an action.

I was also reminded this week that sometimes things said on twitter and elsewhere in the virtual world can also intentionally or unintentionally hurt people's feelings. I know the majority of people using such mediums do not mean any harm, but it does happen. It may be that someone takes things the wrong way, or has had a bad day. I'm not saying that we can protect ourselves or others from this, but I do wonder about my emotional responsibility. It sounds heavy, but it isn't. I have several friends pending in my facebook account, this is because I'm not sure who they are and I like to keep my facebook profile rather selective. However, I have not explained this to them, so as far as they know I have rejected their request. Is this rude? What is the etiquette? I also try to reply to most people who reply to me on twitter, it is basic good manners. But my question is, should there be manners and etiquette in the virtual world? I understand celebrities not responding to everyone (they would be there all day) but the few replies the most of us get are easy to manage.

I remain partially detached from social networking sites, in that they get a version of me/what I am thinking; the image I wish to project. Yet, I have found that I can still be hurt by them, I can imagine the situation where I could take a tweet/facebook comment the wrong way. The above situation is different in that I think it should have been managed differently.

I think I need to summarise this ramble, as it is a bit more unplanned than usual, so my key points are (and remember this is just my opinion, feel free to disagree/comment):-

- Social networking sites are not a replacement for open discussion with 3D friends, nor are they an appropriate way of ending any sort of relationship. At least explain such actions.

- I am aware that some people struggle with social 3D situations but if you have 3D friends I would suggest trying to keep them that way (at least some of the time). Emotions are difficult to read and often misinterpreted in the virtual world.

- It is polite to reply to people if you can, even if you don't follow them, you never know you may get to know them and follow them in the end. Unless they are rude/offensive/inappropriate etc. Us none celebrities can usually manage this most of the time.

As usual these are my thoughts, so feel free to discuss anything you think I have misjudged with me on here or twitter. Thanks for reading. (I feel better after this one, maybe it was more of a rant?).