Social Networking

Firstly, I should point out that I am not anti-social networking at all. I do it, a lot and I enjoy it. However, I wanted to consider the topic in a bit more depth. What is the real purpose of social networking sites?

The question is not as straight forward as you might think. It suggests it is to network and “meet” people, whether it be virtually or in real life. But it is not as simple as that. Yes, you can reconnect with old school friends, or work colleagues and on sites such as Facebook many people do (including me). But why do we do this? It may just be me, but yes I am intrigued to know what they are up to, so accept them as “friends” but are we really interested in being friends with all of them? There are some where to reconnect does reignite old friendships, but for the majority it is virtual eavesdropping, where we all give each other permission to spy on one another. I know we have true friends and family on such sites; by true friends I mean the people who we regularly meet in real life, the ones who we telephone or meet to find out what they are up to rather than head for facebook. But let’s face it if you deleted everyone you had not actually spoken to in the last year, your facebook friends list would be considerably shorter (speaking from my own personal experience). I am not saying it is wrong, but I am starting to think, what really is the point? Do I really need to know all of this stuff? But then I think again, there are the moments that facebook has helped create, the gigs where we all agree to meet (even the people I haven’t spoken to in over a year). The people I wish I had made an effort to stay in touch with in a more meaningful way who then get in touch with a message or a wall post. But is it worth it? There are downsides to such sites. I have friends who have posted status updates or a message, forgetting who else is in their friends list; and we have all seen the stories in the media of people who have been caught out by work.

This brings me neatly onto my next point, who are we on social networking sites? I know some people wear their hearts on their sleeve and post everything they do and feel on facebook, but I do not, and am sure others do the same as me. I consider who is going to read what I write and the impression it creates of me. I try not to be negative very often, as I assume that people do not really want to know such things on a networking site. Well, that is not entirely true, I have grumbled I have had a bad day at work, or a harsh hangover, but I mean the true deep and meaningful stuff. I don’t want everyone to know such things, let alone people I don’t know very well. It is not where I point out that I am feeling lonely, tearful or really upset by something. If I am ever feeling in such a way I think to myself, people go on facebook and twitter for fun, why would they want to listen to me whinge endlessly? But in keeping such things back I am only giving an impression of the real me. How can we truly network or make real friends on such sites if we use them in such a way?

Twitter is very different to facebook for me. I have less “real friends” on there (by that I mean people who I have known for years and see often). Yet it is easier to be more honest, it is in the moment, people don’t read too far back, so once something is said and a reaction had the moment is passed. But I still keep this guard up, why? I guess the anonymity of it is why I feel I can be more honest, but is it a true reflection of me? I say things on twitter to have fun, to join in and chat to people. But I am also aware that some people say things to get a reaction in such a moment, like the recent (alleged) hoax of a suicidal person who then deleted her account. I don’t mind that people on twitter sometimes feel upset or angry and say so as I have the option to either offer a virtual hug, advice or ignore them. I know a virtual hug sounds silly, as if it could help, but in all honesty I think it does. It is an acknowledgement that you are listening or feel for that person. It is in those instances that I choose to tread carefully. As a mental health nurse I am wary of giving advice to people I don’t actually know, I have a responsibility as a nurse to keep professional boundaries and not give ill conceived advice. But those people who I think I know better I can give brief advice (if I’m in the mood). I do imagine the scenario where I am home after a night out or a few glasses of wine and I give someone bad advice and something awful happens. Maybe I over analyse things in such cases, but it does worry me. There is a reason mental health nurse can’t go to work under the influence of alcohol!

There is a huge plus side to twitter and forum sites (and to a lesser extent facebook) for me. This year I joined a forum and twitter and found myself a little bit over involved with it for a while. I am not a loner, but do live alone and as you get to my age (nearly 30) a lot of friends have commitments (children, work and partners), so we meet less frequently. I needed something to occupy my mind, social networking filled it. The forum stimulated me to read more and develop my opinions on numerous subjects, and then twitter became my more instant gratification. Don’t get me wrong I do have a social life, but it is nice that I can have company on the internet when I am home alone. Then I started to take chances and be a bit braver, I agreed to meet one person at a gig (in a public place so not risky or stupid) and after that we later went to a festival. It went very well, we had fun and it was nice to meet someone new, someone not in my close group of friends. This escalated when I went to Edinburgh festival and met more new people, and since then had some to stay with me. I do not advocate taking unnecessary risks, or meeting strangers and putting yourself at risk, but it is a perfectly acceptable way to meet new people with common interests if you are careful. It was a fun and crazy summer and I know I have new friends from it but...

Again I wonder how much new people who I have met really know me. If I remain guarded on networking sites, where our daily contact is and we only meet for gigs, comedy shows and festivals, how much do we really know each other? I am not saying I don’t like these people I do, but for me it takes a long time to get to know someone properly. Maybe it is just that I have had the same circle of close friends since I was in school/college, we know everything about each other (well a lot anyway). I am not used to having new friends where everything is new, and there is always some initial shyness when we first meet face to face, so it takes time to really know people. I still wonder, do they know me, or an impression of me. But in the same vein I have not told all of my “real friends” the ins and outs of my adventures, as I have not seen them as much (my fault for travelling around the country), so do they now only know an impression of me? Have I changed? Has social networking changed me? I have become more outgoing; I have introduced myself to comedians and tweeters when I have seen them. I don’t think I used to be so brave.

I guess we all have different personas for different situations; seeing family, with a partner, close friends, work and on the internet. Maybe I am over thinking all of this because I am single. Past experience tells me that I would be more my true self if I were in love, especially if living with someone, you can’t really hide who you really are then, nor should you, that should be what love is about, to totally be yourself and appreciated for it.