Death

Ok I realise this is not the happiest of subjects to have a ramble through, but I was inspired yesterday when I read Peter Harrison’s excellent blog on the subject, read it here. As his blogs often do it made me consider my views on the subject.

I too do not believe in afterlife, I am an atheist so when we are dead we are gone, I don’t have a spirit that will live on in some other plane of existence. When my heart stops and my brain ceases to function that is it. However, there is one way in which I believe I will live on, I hopefully leave behind people whose life I have touched in some way (I cringe as I write that phrase). The memories I create with others and the impact I have on other people is my legacy. In a sense this is what scares me about death. I wonder what will I leave behind? How will I have impacted on anyone’s life? I have no great ambitions in politics or to write a book or anything like that, but that does not mean I leave no long lasting impression on the people I interact with. While the thought does scare me, I fully accept that once I am gone I won’t care. I can’t, there is no way I can have a thought or regret once the moment of death has passed. In a way this is a benefit to death, I can’t focus on what I leave behind as I won’t know or care beyond the moment of death. The only way I can look at my impact on others and how I live my life is to look at it right now, to talk to people, meet new people and reflect on what happens or has happened in the few insignificant years I have been alive.

Considering death should and does inspire me to live a full life, not necessarily to do great things but to be happy and hopefully make those I surround myself with happy in some way too. I can’t live life totally without regret, I will make mistakes, but I can learn from them and move on. Mortality is a great motivator, I would hate to think I was immortal as I can’t see how I would have so much ambition and motivation with an infinite amount of time in which to make mistakes or realise goals. It is like when you go on holiday (stay with me on this bit), you know you only have your two weeks to enjoy the particular destination, it has usually cost a lot of money and excitement has be built up over a number of months. So off you go, things go wrong or not quite to plan, but you carry on making the best of things, not wanting to ruin the precious hours and days you have. People on holiday try to create moments they will remember, day trips, great views, shows, anything to have great memories of that time. To me this is how we should look at life, we may not know how long we have but we should make the best of what we have and create as many wonderful moments as we can, there is an end point.

I understand that for some theists it is a comfort to believe there is an afterlife, but I would consider such a concept much more frightening than not believing in one. A theist would fear the judgement of their life after death, whether they go to heaven or hell would be decided once the moment of death has passed. At least I know (yes, I know as I have no evidence to the contrary) that once death has occurred it doesn’t matter one bit, what is done is done. So I don’t fear death, I fear not living life to it fullest but more so than that I fear not knowing the impact I have on others. The answer for me is to ask, talk to people, tell people how you feel, get the answers and the reactions now. I do not have to wait for some God to pass judgement on how good or full my life is, I am happy and grateful I can find that out for myself now. And if I don’t like what I find, I’d better do something about it.

I can think of times when having this view has helped me, there have been periods in my life where I have stopped and looked back and decided to change. This may be partly influenced by my job, I unfortunately do have patients who die, which of course is very sad and often tragic. But in order to do such a job I have to have a reflective process in place, I have to consider what was done, what could have been done and if mistakes were made can they be learned from. We cannot “save” everyone. This is of course no comfort to relatives, and not a discussion I would have with them. But working with death makes me appreciate life. Add to this the belief that I have that my life is finite, there is nothing after then you can see how I am motivated to “get on with it” and try to live it to the full. So I think I am grateful for death, not frightened of it. I too, like Peter accept death as a part of life. Of course if I know when death is coming (I think I would rather not know in a way, but that is another discussion) I will be frightened of that moment, but more of the possible physical pain and the emotions my loved ones have to go through that I have to see, it is the build up to death, but once the moment has passed there is nothing to be afraid of, well there is nothing at all for me.

In my view having such a view on death and life should make my eventual death easier on my family and friends, I would hope that they understand that I hopefully have said what I wanted to say, and done what I wanted to do, not because of fear of judgement but because I wanted to live a full life, because I am inspired by death.

Thanks for reading, do read Peter Harrison’s much more eloquent discussion on the topic. As always comments are welcome on here or twitter if you wish.