Twitter friends?

This blog is a little more personal than I usually write, but as always the purpose of it is to help me get my thoughts straight. It is not intended to be a moan, I hope that is not how it is perceived.

I recently experienced twitter paranoia, a moment where I wondered if I should use it at all. A crisis of twaith (sorry). Of course I still do, but I need to explore why such a moment occurred.

There are groups of people on twitter who chat regularly, I first joined when a bunch of people from the angry (feet) forum did so I was lucky to experience such a friendly crowd. However, occasionally being in a group can be very lonely when you feel less included. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that you can’t always be central in conversations, even with groups of people you “know” online. Thinking about it rationally once the moment has passed, I realise perhaps I was not that chatty enough on the day in question, a little grumpy maybe.

I also wonder how I can have so many followers yet only a few of them chat or respond to tweets. I go through my followers every now and then and remove suspected spambots, or the ones that are just following me due to a random word, unless of course they look like fun, then they can stay. Surely there can’t be that many lurkers? Not that there is anything wrong with it, it just makes me curious. I don’t tweet anything very exciting, I’m not very funny, it is just mundane every day thoughts, a few links and the occasional drunk tweet. How or why do they continue to follow me?

I know a part of my little crisis was thinking too much, I have a habit of this. I was considering how much people on twitter really know me. The answer is they don’t. A few know more about me than others as we have over the last year or so divulged information and got to know each other’s humour and tastes. But is that really knowing someone? When do you really know someone? Should you attempt such a task through twitter? At the end of the day it is a social networking site, but I understand it is mostly superficial (I have blogged about such issues before, see here). I have made some true friends through twitter, people who have got in touch outside of the twitterverse and been there when I needed them, but we are still getting to know each other properly. I guess it is hard making new friends, as I have a group of friends I have had for many years, new ones tend to not come along that often. I seem to be over thinking it don’t I? I know logically you can’t decide when someone is a friend or just someone you know, but to me it is when conversation is easier in real life, when you feel comfortable chatting about more than common interests such as comedy. I must also remember that they may thinking similar things.

So on the night in question I was lurking (as I often do) and saw some conversations about plans to meet up, it was for an event I cannot attend. If I wanted to go I would have asked if it was ok and met everyone else, I wouldn’t expect an invite, there are too many shows and I don’t travel for them that much. But then I pondered on their interactions, and at that time believed they were all friends, not just people who know each other and meet up sometimes, but true friends. I admit I was a little jealous. After some sleep I realised this was ridiculous. I have made friends through twitter. Feeling more comfortable with them not only takes time, but effort on my part. Effort to meet, to chat and to be less superficial. I also think I perhaps underestimate some of the friendships I have made, it is possible.

I think another string to the bow was that I had discussed on twitter the possibility of me moving to London. I would like to live in London, but there are some practical issues to overcome. When chatting I got a little excited at the prospect, thinking... well I know people, there are all my twitter friends so I won’t be lonely. Then it hit me, the realisation that online relationships and real life ones can be a very different thing. As I have said before, who I am on twitter is an impression of me. I choose what people should know. I don’t always express my frustrations, anger or even my happiness. It depends who I want to know such things. I then thought moving to London was an insane idea, to a city where I don’t know anyone, or my way around and I have no friends. Of course in the light of day, there are people who I could get to know, who I assume would meet me for drinks etc and we would become better friends. I’m not saying I am moving to London but in thinking about it, it is not impossible really.

Having over thought all of the above I realised, I love twitter because of its superficial nature. I can have silly, random chats it is not about how dull or stressful work was that day, or the current family dispute, it is light hearted and fun. I am in contact with some tweeters more than others, but happy to chat to new ones too. It is about exploring people. Fair enough, they may not ever meet me or become true friends, but some might. I may meet some people and they may remain just people I know, but I cannot guess the future. I should just enjoy the ride.

I feel better about it all now, it was a silly moment, it has passed. Thanks for reading. I would love to hear any thoughts.