Twitter friends?

This blog is a little more personal than I usually write, but as always the purpose of it is to help me get my thoughts straight. It is not intended to be a moan, I hope that is not how it is perceived.

I recently experienced twitter paranoia, a moment where I wondered if I should use it at all. A crisis of twaith (sorry). Of course I still do, but I need to explore why such a moment occurred.

There are groups of people on twitter who chat regularly, I first joined when a bunch of people from the angry (feet) forum did so I was lucky to experience such a friendly crowd. However, occasionally being in a group can be very lonely when you feel less included. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that you can’t always be central in conversations, even with groups of people you “know” online. Thinking about it rationally once the moment has passed, I realise perhaps I was not that chatty enough on the day in question, a little grumpy maybe.

I also wonder how I can have so many followers yet only a few of them chat or respond to tweets. I go through my followers every now and then and remove suspected spambots, or the ones that are just following me due to a random word, unless of course they look like fun, then they can stay. Surely there can’t be that many lurkers? Not that there is anything wrong with it, it just makes me curious. I don’t tweet anything very exciting, I’m not very funny, it is just mundane every day thoughts, a few links and the occasional drunk tweet. How or why do they continue to follow me?

I know a part of my little crisis was thinking too much, I have a habit of this. I was considering how much people on twitter really know me. The answer is they don’t. A few know more about me than others as we have over the last year or so divulged information and got to know each other’s humour and tastes. But is that really knowing someone? When do you really know someone? Should you attempt such a task through twitter? At the end of the day it is a social networking site, but I understand it is mostly superficial (I have blogged about such issues before, see here). I have made some true friends through twitter, people who have got in touch outside of the twitterverse and been there when I needed them, but we are still getting to know each other properly. I guess it is hard making new friends, as I have a group of friends I have had for many years, new ones tend to not come along that often. I seem to be over thinking it don’t I? I know logically you can’t decide when someone is a friend or just someone you know, but to me it is when conversation is easier in real life, when you feel comfortable chatting about more than common interests such as comedy. I must also remember that they may thinking similar things.

So on the night in question I was lurking (as I often do) and saw some conversations about plans to meet up, it was for an event I cannot attend. If I wanted to go I would have asked if it was ok and met everyone else, I wouldn’t expect an invite, there are too many shows and I don’t travel for them that much. But then I pondered on their interactions, and at that time believed they were all friends, not just people who know each other and meet up sometimes, but true friends. I admit I was a little jealous. After some sleep I realised this was ridiculous. I have made friends through twitter. Feeling more comfortable with them not only takes time, but effort on my part. Effort to meet, to chat and to be less superficial. I also think I perhaps underestimate some of the friendships I have made, it is possible.

I think another string to the bow was that I had discussed on twitter the possibility of me moving to London. I would like to live in London, but there are some practical issues to overcome. When chatting I got a little excited at the prospect, thinking... well I know people, there are all my twitter friends so I won’t be lonely. Then it hit me, the realisation that online relationships and real life ones can be a very different thing. As I have said before, who I am on twitter is an impression of me. I choose what people should know. I don’t always express my frustrations, anger or even my happiness. It depends who I want to know such things. I then thought moving to London was an insane idea, to a city where I don’t know anyone, or my way around and I have no friends. Of course in the light of day, there are people who I could get to know, who I assume would meet me for drinks etc and we would become better friends. I’m not saying I am moving to London but in thinking about it, it is not impossible really.

Having over thought all of the above I realised, I love twitter because of its superficial nature. I can have silly, random chats it is not about how dull or stressful work was that day, or the current family dispute, it is light hearted and fun. I am in contact with some tweeters more than others, but happy to chat to new ones too. It is about exploring people. Fair enough, they may not ever meet me or become true friends, but some might. I may meet some people and they may remain just people I know, but I cannot guess the future. I should just enjoy the ride.

I feel better about it all now, it was a silly moment, it has passed. Thanks for reading. I would love to hear any thoughts.

Los Quattros Cvnts

I don’t often blog about comedy nights as my blog is usually used for thinking things through, but this week has been so great it deserves a ramble, so here goes.

LOS QUATTROS CVNTS

I have seen these four cunts before at their first show in November, so I was excited to go again (I did try another time, but it was cancelled so we had beer instead, lots of beer, but that is a story I will not tell on here). This time was different, firstly there was no Jeremy Limb as he decided to go cruising in Rio instead, however it was explained to us that this did not make it Los Trio Cunts (Michael Legge, Dan Mersh and Paul Litchfield) as there were two special guests who would help out as well as doing their own sets, Bennett Arron and Jeremy Lion (aka Justin Edwards). The other difference was that there were even more twitter people/podophiles (if you don’t know what a podophile is then Google Precious Little) to meet this time, it was quite a gathering. A few of us arrived in London nice and early and got to The Phoenix for around 5pm, the show didn’t start until 8pm but it gave us all time to chat and eat, ok and maybe drink a little.

Finally we took our seats, a great couple of tables one right at the front and one just to the side. If you haven’t been to The Phoenix before it is a great but intimate venue, so we were very close to the action. Oh I nearly forgot...

WARNING – My memory is a bit crap, so do feel free to correct me or tell me details I missed out if you were there and I will edit the blog. Oh and I would say there are spoilers, except each show is rather unique where LQC is concerned although there may be running themes/characters.

The show started grandly with the William Tell Overture blaring out of the sound system, however as the cvnts entered the stage they began pointing at a man in the front row in a rhythmic way, we were encouraged to join in, so of course we did. I have no idea how the man kept a straight face throughout the entire song but I applaud him.

Then followed some brief banter about the name of the show, trying not to say the cuntword because “the telly” was in. Then came the only “safe” sketch they could do for the telly people, The Party Sketch, a very funny play on the familiar face scenario, “I’m sure we’ve met before, where have we met before?”. Let’s just say it got a bit shouty.

I can’t remember the exact order of sketches so I will summarise the best bits (all of it).

The O’Flaherty Brothers and Billy Sunday made another appearance with another scary item of knitwear worn by Billy (Michael Legge). True to his nature Billy Sunday interrupted and objected to any attempts to sing lovely Irish folk songs, this time saying he wanted to do rap instead. He then proceeded into a tirade of gangsta style ranting mostly about putting a cap in yo ass mo fo. I did think the vein in the side of his head was about to burst as he got more and more red in the face.

The Erotica Sketch – Sean Golsworthy (played by Paul Litchfield) apparently he made his first appearance last time and read from his great literary works of erotica. This time we were in for a treat as there was a sci-fi theme which was “immediately and suddenly” about sex robots. In chatting to Paul after I believe the character may make further appearances at LQC which will be a treat.

Agony Uncle Doctor Party – This character was fantastically camp (well done Michael, I don’t know how you pulled it off) and I have no idea how Dan managed to keep a straight face as he read the letters out. I will say Doctor Party not only has some (well just one piece really) advice to overcome problems but he also has some fantastic dance moves. I loved that they pushed it with a rather controversial letter at the end from a lady who had been “locked in a cellar for 18 years...” it sounds wrong to say it was brilliant but it was.

History Sketch – Bennett Arron helped out on this one. I cannot remember all of the details but it was a summary of history as found on Wikipedia. It was definitely a “you had to be there sketch” as they confused history and tried to hide a baby. Bennett Arron looked almost in pain as he played Yoko Ono and had to do a dreadful accent.

TV ideas for BBC3 – Justin Edwards played the producer on this one, he rapidly binned numerous ever more increasingly ridiculous TV programme ideas, one of my favourites being a reality TV programme where we vote to put celebs in prison.

Improv Sketch – This one was made even more hilarious by the fact that Tara Flynn was sat just behind us in the audience (if you didn’t know, her and Michael are in London Improv a really good improv group which also plays at The Phoenix). They did a few improv games which were a comical view of how not to do it. My favourite part was the open scene game, usually the audience would give the improve group a name, a place and maybe a line, just two or three details and the sketch would begin. So of course open scene cvnts style we gave a name (Olivia), first line (breathe deeper), famous person (The Moomins), type of car she drove (The Bat tank), shoe size (4 or 7) and many more details, with pauses between so that Paul could “warm up” for each bit of added information. Just as the cvnts began to actually do the sketch, Sarah who I was sat next to shouted out the first line “Breathe deeper” as it was evident they had already forgotten that detail, they stumbled and then Paul pulled the shutter down (metaphorically) and closed the fourth wall, so he could no longer hear her. Of course the final resulting sketch was “Breathe deep Olivia, oh look The Moomins, the end”.

Bennett Arron’s Jesus Sketch – We were lucky to have a special guest, Jesus, who had only just started doing stand up, looked very nervous and uncomfortable in his unsecure beard. There were funny lines, we nerdy people particularly like “I don’t believe in Richard Dawkins, I don’t go to churches and pray to him, or as you call it The Bloomsbury”.

So as you can see a jam packed set from Los Quattros Cvnts, it was time for a short interval and then the special guests.

Bennett Arron – I hadn’t seen Bennett before his short set revolved largely around him being a Welsh Jew, and although I laughed at several bits (Jew Jitsu in particular) and enjoyed the anecdotes he didn’t appear very comfortable, and I was unsure if it was on purpose or not. Difficult to tell from such a short set.

Jeremy Lion – Another performer I had never seen before, although I did watch his 12 days of Christmas on YouTube, see here so I had some idea what to expect from an alcoholic children’s entertainer. Jeremy told us he is working on his Edinburgh fringe show and plans to teach the children about the environment this year. He then proceeded to sing the song “Ten Green Bottles” and as he recycled each bottle he pointed out what good that would do for the environment, e.g. save a baby seal. The only problem being that you are not allowed to recycle bottles when they are still full of booze, the blue WKD and wine seemed particularly painful and "Baileys, nature's Gaviscon!", all hilarious. I will go and see his show in Edinburgh, just to see if he can survive an hour of doing that!

As you can imagine it was definitely worth the trip down to London to see all of that, and then it was great to hang around for drinks and chat to everyone after. The highlights of that are as follows...

Finally saying hello to Dan Mersh! I have seen the cvnts a couple of times and spoke to them but for some reason Dan remained elusive. This time Sarah and I cornered him, it turns out he is a really nice guy, despite being off the telly! And yes he is the guy in the crunchy nut advert with the laptop umbrella.

Vicki making us all framed drawings of our avatars, they were ace and we all loved them. Although James Hingley did look a little bit shocked and scared.

Chatting to Tara Flynn about her Edinburgh show, which sounds amazing, so you should all make sure you go and see her.

Carl Austin (Tara’s husband and the love of Michael Legge’s life) making the statement “Emmerdale makes my anus itch!” Even with context it was a very random but funny statement to make.

Standing in the doorway with Andy, when a tramp stood between us and asked for 20p, I said I didn’t have my purse on me, which I didn’t (it was inside) and Andy said he couldn’t spare it. The tramp looked at us with disgust and turned to walk away; as he did he bent down and picked something up off the floor. He then turned and shouted “I’ll just fucking have this then shall I?” waving a £20 note at us. Jammy bastard.

More than words

I know this is not a new topic, and there have been many blogs about it, but it is my turn now. Language is the issue, in particular swearing. The reason why I want to delve into this topic is that in discussing the issue a little on twitter I have realised my views have changed in the last few months.

I think it is interesting that language is constantly changing and evolving. Words which used to be offensive can become commonplace and lose their sting once accepted into popular culture. I’m sure if we were to time travel back a few years, even as few as 10-20 we would see the different reaction to words commonly used now. Is it just that they are more common which makes them accepted or does their meaning change?

“Fuck” is a very commonly used word, and although I don’t think I would like to hear my children saying it (if I had any) I do not find it offensive at all. But it is a complicated word, in that it has many meanings. It means sex, but it doesn’t always, if I tell you to fuck off, I am not saying “Sex off!” am I, no it doesn’t make sense, neither does “I don’t give a fuck!” It can be a word meaning pleasurable or violent, physical activity. To fuck can be to manipulate or mess with someone’s mind, to push someone’s buttons, so routed in sexual terminology its meaning morphs into something much more negative and abusive that just sex. It is a complex word when you think of it in such terms, yet many of us use it every day. I wonder if we forget the meaning as the slang use of it takes over? It is not pleasant to be told to “fuck off!” if meant in a negative way, but it can also be used to make light of situations, for example when you tell an anecdote and someone says “fuck off, you’re kidding me?”; no offence meant and I’m sure for most people, none taken.

Side note – for a wonderful discussion about “Mindfucking” including the terminology and its connotations I recommend Mindfucking by Colin McGinn.

Personally I have begun to use swear words more frequently, although I do have to be careful at work as it would be unprofessional of me to use such terms. I don’t think it is on purpose, nor was it a particularly conscious decision, but I have explored a lot of new comedy in the last 12 months and I think perhaps their use of the full extent of the English language has rubbed off a little. I like that in comedy language I would have considered rude or offensive now makes me laugh, yes, occasionally they do evoke a different emotion, but that is because that is what the comedian wants them to do. The reaction required is why such words are used, I am not offended by this, and I see that there is a greater scheme at work, a plot to the story or set the offence is required to make the point. It is only when comedians are offensive for the sake of offending that I object, not only that I would not find it funny in the slightest (Jim Davison and Chubby Brown spring to mind).

Many comedians explore their use of such words and how the reactions vary in different countries. I find such variety in the perceived offensiveness of words to be even more prolific, and I am unable to generalise the reaction. My brothers and sisters use “fuck” in every day conversation, but in general would never use “cunt” as it is a word which my Mum did not like as we grew up. She even said “See (C) you (U) next (N) Tuesday (T)” to avoid actually saying the word. But, oh how things change. I talk to my Mum quite a lot and I tell her about the comedy I see and the podcasts, this means inevitably I have used the word cunt quite a bit (as listeners to Michael Legge and James Hingley’s Precious Little podcast will know). I must admit when I first said it to her in conversation I half whispered it, hesitating to give it the full power of correct pronunciation. However, once I explained the silly fun I had been having it seemed less offensive, there was no malice in how I was using it, or in my relaying the tale to my Mum. The cunt word has lost some of its power. I do believe that if someone called me a cunt, and meant it to be offensive, I would be rather upset. But is it the actual word that gives us this reaction? To me it no longer is; it is the intension behind the word, the emotion with which it is said. Consider if someone called you a cow or a bitch, they are both words for female animals one bovine one canine; however with the correct tone and malice offence would be taken in the way it was meant to be.

It seems to me that the some words can lose their meaning or gain it depending on the context and familiarity in which they are used. Text speak (which I despise) is another way in which words can lose their meaning, again a much discussed topic. “LOL” and “hahaha” no longer mean what they were intended to, people use them in such a common way that no one actually believes someone did laugh out loud. I have typed “LOL, really I did” but in thinking about it this negates the need for text speak, I could have typed “Very funny” thus using less letters to explain my emotion. Is it not the purpose of text speak to use less letters? Well, it was, this is how text speak came about, but again its common use has led to it’s over use and changed the way in which it is used. LOL or hahaha now means some form of mild amusement; it has lost its funny as the cunt word has lost its offensiveness. I could go on to discuss text speak for some time, but I won’t as many people have done so much more eloquently than I can and it is my perception of offensive language that has changed more considerably in the last few months.

I am intrigued by the way my emotional response to language has developed and changed, yet I know that some people still cannot and don’t use such words. It has become so second nature to me that I must be unintentionally offending people all the time? Is that an issue? Should it be? I don’t use the words with malice, or at people who do not realise I am joking or having fun, is it their understanding of the word that is the problem? I wonder if they have actually sat and thought about it or just heard one word and made assumptions about the context in which it was said. I was one of those people at some point, but now I have learned that any word can be offensive or inoffensive depending on the emotional context in which it is used. I do not encourage people to go out and try to offend people for the sake of it, but I do encourage them to not shy away from using words until you have thought about why you do or don’t use them.

Love is...

I think I need to write this blog to be able to make some sense of my random thoughts on this particular topic (as I said in my TYSIC blog, I need to do this more often and be open to constructive criticism/feedback). It is my way of improving my critical thinking.

I know why I am thinking about love more right now, it is because I am thinking of what I used to consider “my goals before I turn 30” and that is fast approaching; also I have been single for some time.

Firstly, I don’t think being single for the last 3 years is a problem, at all. I’ve had plenty of fun and dated a bit, met some interesting people. But more than that, having been in long term relationships from the age of 17, pretty much non-stop until I was 27 ish, some single time was much needed. I guess others will share a similar experience, but I believe from teenage years into your twenty something’s you change a lot as a person, you grow up and gain some sense of identity (I know some do this earlier or later, but for arguments sake...). Being in long term relationships has to have some effect on these years, as you grow up and develop as an individual, but a couple has to have some influence on each other. So my point is, having spent those important years (mostly happily) with a partner in tow, it has been great to find the real me (sorry, I hate that phrase too, but nothing else fits). I have not gone all hippy or anything, but I have tried things I used to do (some I forgot I did), and decided whether I actually like them, or perhaps I was playing along a bit (as you do) with the boyfriend of the time. And I now have a lovely mix match or random influences from which I have decided I like lots of different things, because I choose to.

The “my goals before I turn 30” bit was, as I now realise unrealistic and not necessary. I had the goals that many people have; have a career, own my own house, fall in love, maybe get married, have a baby. I know I said they were unrealistic, but perhaps that was not the right word. I do own a house and have a career which I mostly enjoy. It is the love, marriage and babies bit I have come to realise cannot be goals. My thoughts on marriage have changed a little, although I don’t object to it and may even one day do it, to me it is something that may or may not happen and it does not matter, so long as I am happy. The same for the having babies part. I used to believe I definitely wanted children, and although I think I still would quite like one, if it doesn’t happen and I am happy, I think I can accept that. (I have 14 nieces and nephews)

Now we come to the main part, falling in love. Of course I think it would be great to be in love, even with all of the angst and the getting to know you, scary parts. To have one person that truly understands me, who I can understand back and who I can share my life with would be awesome. But it cannot be a goal. It will happen or it won’t. I have accepted that hunting for love is (for me) not the right way to go about it. My concern is that in looking so hard for something, I will see something that just isn’t there. The only way I can think to accurately describe the way I feel about this is; imagine those people who really want to be famous, as a singer or a model. Some of them are lucky and make it they have the right attributes and are in the right place at the right time, they get their break. Then there are those unfortunate few, who really really want it, but it doesn’t happen. Yet they plod on entering countless competitions, sending of demos and photographs, it consumes their lives. Then one day with a moment of devastating clarity they realise it was all a pipe dream, it isn’t going to happen and their life seems wasted. I don’t want my desire for love to be like one of those poor deluded searching for fame people’s search for recognition. I don’t want to spend my time searching for something that won’t necessarily happen. I also do not want to fall into the trap of deluding myself, seeing love where it isn’t really there. Bluntly put, I don’t want to “make do” with the next nice guy who comes along. I may find the real thing, I may not.

From all of this contemplation I have decided, what I do want is to be happy. This means filling my life with experiences and people, making the most of every moment, and most of all not being focussed on love. If I am one of the lucky few who meets that person then great, but in the meantime I plan to live life not waste it in the search.

I know lots of people may think that even the search for love is great experience in itself. I don’t argue with that, but for it to be a main focus feels wrong to me. If I am going to have a chance of meeting someone I figure it will be when I am doing the things I enjoy doing, then there is a chance we will have at least something in common, a beginning maybe. I am lucky I did meet my exes in such a way (a rock club, at university and one of my best friends). There has to be some maths in all this, the odds are that I will meet someone with similar interests when doing something I am interested in, not in some artificial dating scenario. I am also aware that in some cases opposites attract, and two people in a couple are very different, have different hobbies etc. But I have decided I like doing what I do in my spare time, and although I am always open to new experiences, I want to keep doing the things I do and have someone else share in my enjoyment of them.

In a way I consider myself lucky, the beginning part of a relationship is very exciting, an adventure. And although I may have many beginnings and not quite find the security of “the one” for some time, if at all, I will have fun along the way and not be too preoccupied by my lack of love.

Books, books and more books.

I have a compulsion to buy books, not at a Robin Ince insane and wonderful level, but I do find I have to stop myself, I know I own more books than I can read in the coming months. I also know I should devote more time to read them, but what can I say there are distractions everywhere (this blog and twitter being two of the main culprits). As I decided to use my blog to think through things a bit more, I decided to examine my own minor book obsession.

I am one of those people who reads lots of books at the same time. Right now there are two on my bedside table, two on my coffee table and about four put back on the bookshelf, half read. It is not like this with every book, if it is a real page turner, then I will make the time and read it quickly. I don't believe every book has to be this way. For example it took me three months to Read Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, you have to be in the right frame of mind to tackle it, the meaty subject matter and complexity of ideas it was not light reading. I did think it was worth it to persist and finish the book, and I'm sure I will one day read it again, even if some of the notions do come across as a little fundementalist.

My favourite, cannot put it down, book of last year was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith, a fantastic dark expansion of Pride and Prejudice. I even actually laughed out loud on the bus while reading it. I know not everyone will share my enthusiasm as I do have a little obsession with zombies, but still everyone knows the story, and can imagine the accents as they read it.

If you are a zombie fan I do recommend Zombie Haiku by Ryan Mecum, I read that one in 40 minutes. It is a very short, funny and gross book of poems written by a zombie.

In my random book buying habits I recently developed a new one, nostalgia. I have now begun to buy books I read as a child, or even were read to me. No, I don't mean Spot the Dog, the ones from when I was a little older, like Daniel Keyes' Flowers For Algernon and Stig of The Dump by Clive King. I am not in a rush to read these books, and not even sure why I bought them. I obviously enjoyed them as a child, but will they stand the test of time and impress me now, or be a an utter disappointment? In a way I think I have bought them in order to share them with other young people, although I don't have children, I may one day or at least I can lend them to my nieces and nephews in the hope that they too get cherished childhood memories from them. I may be setting myself up for disappointment in buying these books, times have changed.

I have just started reading Carl Sagan's Pale Blue Dot, I think it will be in the page turner category, despite being a philosophy book, it is beautifully and poetically written and a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. I ordered it 3 months ago and have waited all this time for the paperback to be in stock, so far it is well worth the wait. Here is a clip of the passage I heard Robin Ince read and then peaked my interest in Carl Sagan.

Another philosophy book recommended to me was Alain De Botton's Essays in Love. This one I read in two days. A wonderful story of one man's journey through love, while considering the nature of love and our neurosis while afflicted. It is the sort of book you find yourself wanting to quote to people all of the time. My favourite line from it was,

"Every fall into love involves the triumph of hope over self-knowledge."

Following my enjoyment of his work I then bought Status Anxiety, and although it is a great book, it does not have the urgent draw of Essays in Love and I find myself reading it much more slower, returning to it every few days. For accessible philosophy I do recommend Alain De Botton.

I love that I can enjoy some books while learning something, and it doesn't feel like studying like the books at university did. I think this is down to that talent of the author at keeping the reader intrigued while relaying the facts. Ben Goldacre's Bad Science and Simon Singh & Edzard Ernst's Trick or Treatment are two brilliant books which spring to mind.

Don't get me wrong I do also love silly entertaining books too. I recently reread Dave Gorman's Are You Dave Gorman? and Googlewhack Adventure; Danny Wallace's Yes Man is also thoroughly amusing (unlike the film based on the book) and of a similar style (Danny Wallace is co-author of Are You Dave Gorman?). Sometimes I do just want something light and fun to read, these books for me are hard to choose. I love Nick Hornby's books, but I tend to get stuck into buying one author so that I have the guarantee of a good read. I have bought a few random books, and they soon get returned to the bookshelf, half read covered in dust having sat on my coffee table for a few weeks. I will finish them one day, but if they are not that enthralling they go to the bottom of the reading pile, for example The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy by Fiona Neill, yes it is witty and a fun read, but once a better book arrives, it can wait.

I also like having a few books that you can pick up and put down again, just dipping into them when the mood takes you. Charlie Brooker's books (Screenburn, Dawn of the Dumb etc) are great for this, pick them up when you fancy a hilarious rant about popular television and then put them away again. I was bought The History of The World Through Twitter by Jon Holmes and Mitch Benn for Christmas and giggled all day as I dipped into it, it is one of those books to randomly peek at and be amused.

I have now started to buy books recommended to me on twitter or in blogs (if they peak my interest), I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing, or if I will need to buy a bigger house to fit all of my books in. (I cannot throw a book away). I just bought Bad Thoughts - a guide to critical thinking by Jamie Whyte as recommended in Peter Harrison's blog which I began to read following my first visit to Sheffield Skeptics in The Pub (SiTP). I can't wait to read it but am resisting my usual urge to start reading several books I really like at once and then struggle to choose which one to read.

Do feel free to let me know any life changing, or interesting books you have read. Thanks for reading a particularly long ramble of thoughts in my head. (I did say I would blog more as part of my TYSIC to think through and record such thoughts more as a way of developing my thinking skills).

Being Famous

No, I am not famous, and I am not claiming to be in any way. I know a few select people may read this blog as they are lovely enough to tell me they do. But as I discussed in my last blog entry, I do want to aim to be more reflective and document my thoughts on here as part of my TYSIC. So here goes...

Today I began to ponder, what is it that makes someone "famous"?

The Cambridge Advance Learner's Dictionary defines it as follows,

Famous adjective

Known and recognised by many people

Being a little bit pedantic, I am recognised by "many people", but I guess that depends what you mean by many.

The reason why I was thinking about this is that over the last year I have met a few comedians, some I consider to be famous. Don't get me wrong I am not constantly rubbing shoulders with comedy royalty, but I have said hello after gigs and been fortunate enough to have a drink or two with a small minority. Of those comedians that I consider famous, I am always shocked to find that many of my friends and families have never even heard of them, and give a blank look when I express how happy I was to meet them.

The flip side of the coin is that of the comedy fans I talk to online, many do know who I am talking about when I say I am off to see a great show, or I was lucky enough to say hello after they share my excitement, so to them those comedians are famous.

Does being famous really mean being a household name? Is it being on the telly all the time? Being splattered all over the tabloids for every minor out of context mistake or fashion faux pas you make? If it is I cannot see the appeal. Being stalked by the media can't be any fun, it must be bad enough being stalked by fans (in a nice way in my case, not in a weirdo "I want your babies" fangirly way).

I have been on Tim Minchin's fan forum for over a year now, and as he became more well known thanks to his excellent tour and an increasing number of TV appearances, it has saddened me to see the fallout. After I saw him in Sheffield last October there were hundreds of people outside, many asking him to sign their boobs, really? *Sigh* I mean I know he loves boobs but come on. Tim being a very nice man, stayed outside until he had met every single person, something I am sure he cannot keep up as his fame grows (or he would be there all night and exhausted). But does this mean that being famous means you can no longer have a connection with your fans?

I can think of many comedians who have DVDs out, have had very successful Edinburgh fringe performances, won awards and had UK tours, yet unless you are a comedy obsessive like me, many people don't recognise their names. To me they are famous, as they have the respect of fellow comedians and have made a success of their careers in comedy, this does not necessarily mean they are on TV a lot or a household name. I prefer this level of fame, as speaking from experience they are the ones who are usually happy to say hello and accept your praise or gratitude after a good show.

I do wonder if the being on TV level of fame is something to aspire to? Yes, I bet it does pay well and raises the comedian's profile, but as I said before, at what cost? I'm sure many TV programmes are restricted in content and subject matter, meaning you don't get a true sense of what the comedian meant when he/she wrote the material. I know lots of comedians work very hard within such constraints and with fantastic results, but to me there is nothing better than seeing live comedy. There is room for banter and interaction and the comedian has the freedom to take the show in which ever direction he/she wants to.

Although I have pondered ad reflected upon this subject, I don't think I really know what it means to be famous. I guess it is more important to be a success at the level you want to be.

The Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge

I know I am late to the party but this took some thinking, and there is no point in starting something unless you have thought it through properly. For anyone who does not know what The Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge (TYSIC) is, I suggest you read Mark Watson's blog for the last couple of weeks. But to fill you in briefly, it is a 10 year project where everyone must commit to goals which may improve them, and report these goals and any achievement to Mark Watson (currently via comments on his blog, but soon on the shiny new fan forum and of course on individual blogs). It emulates the 24 hours show, in that through a sense of community and shared experience something wonderful can be achieved. There is a twitter hashtag #TYSIC and Mark is happy to hear from people about their success or failures.

Well, I had agreed to be a part of this before I knew what it was, so feel I should be doing something and have a goal for my TYSIC (I should have already started too, I know but it has been a busy week, and people arrived late to the 24 hour show). I tried to think of a goal, not as easy as I expected it to be. I have many friends who have goals, but in reading them I have found none of them suit me, I need my own goal. Is it possible can I find one.

To explain, I will discuss how some goals are just not for me (although of course I respect that they are perfect for others, no offence meant to anyone in any way).

Goal 1 - To lose weight. Yes I could shift a few pounds, eat a bit better, exercise a bit more but... well in all honesty I don't want to. I'm not massively overweight, dropping a dress size would be nice. But I eat quite healthy all week, usually have some crap food at the weekends, I walk to work and home every day, so meet the recommended levels of exercise in a week (it is very hilly and takes about 25 minutes each way). I don't believe in fad diets, well most diets. I think if I wanted to lose weight I would have to change something for life, otherwise I would just put the weight back on when I stopped the diet. I did some of those changes a while ago, changed to wholemeal products, push myself to get my 5 a day fruit and vegetables etc. I don't want to restrict my diet or spend my time in a gym, gyms are boring.

Goal 2 - To read more books. - Yes I do have this goal and I do want to achieve it, the problem I have is that it is not quantifiable over a 10 year period. I have not counted how many books I read over the last 10 years so have no baseline comparison. I know this is a little pedantic of me, and I could just make a concerted effort to read more, but I won't. I know myself I have had this goal already for a long time, I have bought lots of books and am yet to read them. I am half way through at least 6 books scattered around the house. I enjoy books, whether they be fictional, philosophy or factual, but I don't find the time to read as much as I want to. I could make the time, but I know myself, I don't. I get distracted by twitter, facebook, blogs, forums, TV, phone calls, life in general. Yes I do want to read more books, yes I will do it, but no it is not my TYSIC it just doesn't fit the brief.

Goal 3 - To be more assertive/confident/positive about life - I know lots of people have this one, including Mr Watson himself and it is a very good goal to have, it just doesn't fit me. Again it is something I was already working on and have done recently. When I qualified as a mental health nurse I soon learned that in such a job you have to act confident whether you are or not, luckily the confidence followed. The last thing people want to see from an inexperienced healthcare worker is nerves, and if someone is kicking off they won't listen to a quiet scared nurse, only a confident clear and assertive one. This last year has also changed my confidence a lot, only on looking back on it do I realise how much. Through twitter and forums I've met loads of people, travelled and introduced myself to lots of comedians, this has led to many great experiences and new friends. I was nervous, but now I have gained the confidence to explore more. This may develop further, but it would feel like cheating to make it my TYSIC.

I also would quite like to do lots of the other activities some people have challenged themselves to do, write a book, travel, learn to drive, fall in love, maybe make a small person in my belly and I'm sure some of these things will happen and some will not. I like the fact that although I am an obsessive planner and list writer, my life is an open book. I'm not restricted. There aren't things I have to do, I may never have children, I may fall in love lots of times or never in the next 10 years, and I may never get around to learning to drive (it is bloody expensive to learn and maintain a car and would make me lazier). I just don't know and that is how I like it, some things, for me personally are better left unplanned. I have learned my lesson I had some fixed goals for when I reached 30 (later this year) but in thinking about the fact they won't be achieved I have realised they don't and never really did matter, I am happy, that is what matters. I am not criticising those people who do have such goals, if you can set them, aim to achieve them and feel accomplished in doing so then good for you. It just doesn't suit me.

I do want to take part in TYSIC, but in my own way. I won't read all of the blog entries or read the forum as often as I should, although I will aim to do so. I am already committed to a number of daily blogs I read, but I already know that realistically if I get distracted by something else, they too may be doomed as daily activities, and 10 years is a long time. It is goal time, please forgive the waffle for this bit but here it is...

MY GOAL

To be more reflective and document this, but not only that seek other's opinion and where necessary criticism. To not stick my head in the sand, face problems head on (I know this is kind of being more assertive too). To explain I aim to firstly continue with this blog, I haven't been doing it very long and do like the way it makes me think about things in a clearer manner. I also like getting feedback. For more personal situations I may do the same but via emails to some of you lovely people out there, or if even more personal I will start a diary on my computer. Reflection is a useful tool, to gain perspective on things, there is a purpose to it - to document all of your thoughts and then tease out the important aspects/feelings/outcomes and learn from them. I'm not going to restrict my self to daily blogs/diaries as it is not realistic, but I will try to document more frequently and use my blog more than I do now (lucky you). I'm not sure how this will fit into the whole TYSIC, in that it may not be very interesting for others, but as actually documenting my thoughts and feelings in such a way will help me and give me something to have a MASSIVE reflect over in 10 years time, I think it suits me.

Do you see how I did it in this blog? I thought about the challenge, how it works for me and came up with a solution. This will be this week's achievement. Well done me.